Life is energy. Energy is life.  Perhaps this is how our loved ones live on through us.  I am a believer in the Holy Trinity.  And what about our souls? Are our souls energy? This post isn’t to go deep in to the theology of it all.  This post is to wonder that, no, to realize that our loved ones do live on.  Through us. Let me give you an example.

Last week on the day after Thanksgiving Marie decided to decorate the house for Christmas.  All was fine until it was time for her to hang the stockings by the chimney. The reality that Emma would not be there to search her stocking Christmas morning came crashing down on Marie.  I didn’t know how to comfort her because I too was feeling suddenly at a loss.  A loss of our Emma.

You can only really grieve what you miss.  And we miss her deeply.

These last five days Marie and Piper and I took a trip to Tamarindo, Costa Rica.  I planned it to be a short vacation.  The trip turned in to a time of healing.  At least for me.  I saw smiles on Marie’s face I haven’t seen in a very, very long time.  Piper relaxed. Laughed as well. Enjoyed.

Healing from grief

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What I didn’t really realize was how much I would think of Emma.  All the time.  Not missing her as much as saying in my head “Emma would have loved this!” and “Emma would turn her nose up at this to eat.”  I mean literally just about everywhere and everything I did she was there.  All of the laughs and tears and anger and joy… all of it.

Her energy was with me. Her memory embedded so deep that I cannot escape it.  I don’t want to escape it.

For many readers here this will not make any sense.  For others, I suppose, this will ring true.  My mom lives through me in my behavior, DNA and core values of work, faith and perseverance.  Emma lives through me in compassion, patience and observation.

Somehow, however you choose to believe it, our loved ones do live on through us.  And that makes me smile.